My cat died. It was the first time I touched a dead body without fear. I realized …
This Post is a continuation to Day 52 – A Nightmare – The Origin of Love is Fear – Part 1
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that the group of beings dressed in white clothes in my dream is in fact all myself – all separated and altert parts of myself, from whom I have separated myself into a mess of layers of separation – to such an extent that today I am not in Awareness of all that separated Parts
Within this I commit myself to walk my Process of Change to establish and create firstly myself in Oneness and Equality with the Physical within and as myself and secondly with Existence as a whole – as I realize that all that exist in the without is in fact me as the outer separation.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that the beings on the white horses are also separated parts of me, showing me the extend of separation, wherein I have separated myself into hierarchical layers – and those beings representing the ‚higher‘ forces,’higher‘ layers, ‚higher‘ beings within and as me.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize how through judgment and competition I have created hierarchical structures within myself and one and equal with the separation within me – I have created the separation without – as the current world system – where all beings exist in judgment and competition-relationships to and towards each other and so we as existence as a whole have created a hierarchical system of survival. So, I commit myself to firstly equalize myself and through that equalize the existence as a whole into a existence of oneness and equality in the within and the without.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize, see and remember that Judgment and Competition started within and as myself, that Separation started within and as myself – creating so Existence of Separation within and as myself and ‚evolving‘ so into Separation of ALL as myself to finally create a Existence of total Separation in the without. Within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize, see and remember that I was the Creator of Existence.
I commit myself to stop all Judgment and Competition in the within as so stop Judgment and Competition in the without, I realize that Judgment and Competition is WHO I have become as a automated Mind-Consciousness-System, therefore I commit myself to walk my Process of Change through Writing, Self-Forgiveness and Self-Corrective Application to STOP separating myself from myself and to so stop the Separation of ALL as me and become a self-directive Principle – and start living in Oneness and Equality – realizing myself as the Creator of Existence and taking Responsibility for my Creation as one and equal with myself.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to separate myself into a light room, that I filled up with all the separated and altered parts of me to escape and run away from the darkness within me.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that the darkness within me is a threat or danger, that I must protect myself from, that I must be afraid of, that I must avoid – and within that I forgive myself that I have created Love/Love-Experience as ‚positivity‘ in opposition to that Darkness, that I have judged as ’negative‘ and ‚bad‘.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that all that exist within me, that all that I have ever experienced within me was in fact my own creation as myself – and therefore that I in fact feared myself and feared to face myself – so I realize that all ‚positivity‘ as the Energy that I have created was layers of separation to not have to face myself.
Within that I realize, see and understand that the ‚Positivity’/Energy/Love/Light that I created to protect myself from the Darkness, was NOT a REAL power or force that would ’save‘ me, or make me ’see‘ or ‚realize‘ some higher state of being, but in the contrary it was more of a ‚blindness‘ and ‚ignorance‘ and ‚bliss‘ to not have to face the reality of myself.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize how the generation of that ‚positivity‘ would create a unbearable density within and as myself, showing me clearly that the generation of Love as an Experience within and as me would be at the costs of the Physical and cause suffer and pain – and creating a cycle of a deadly dance wherein I would continue to create new layers of separation to mute and avoid facing myself as the abuser of myself as the Physical and so to further more fuck myself and all as myself.
So, I commit myself to stop running away from the Darkness, to stop fearing the Darkness, to stop the creation of love/light/positivity within and as me and to walk my process of change through Writing, Self-Forgiveness and Self-Corrective-Application to become one and equal with that Darkness and become the directive principle wtihin and as myself – as I realize that I cannot run away from myself and that I have eventually to face myself, because me and my creation will not disappear or vanish away as much as I can try it – it will only create more consequence and more fuck-ups, so – I commit myself to STOP and to change myself as a Decision for LIFE for myself and for all as myself – taking the Responsibility for myself and for all as my separated and altered selfs – and within that stop the consequence and sort out the fuck-up, sort out the mess and from there create a Existence of Oneness and Equality – and a World that’s best for all.