I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to blame myself for not being a …
In this blog post I’ll share a dream I had some weeks ago.
I am in a big house. I am ‘playing’ with someone, a male being, I’ll call him a ‘friend’.
I assist my friend to change bodies, and so I help him to move into another body. Finally he gets ‘in’, but he is not very happy about it, noticing that his new body has a huge belly. I laugh, it’s a funny body/belly, I touch and stroke the belly and try to cheer up my friend. I say things like, that it’s not that bad, it’s a belly, it is only an experience, and that he shouldn’t fall for it – the experience, it’s not really the ‘REAL’ him.
Suddenly I have this inversion–self-realization, like in the movie “The Sixth Sense”, where the guy realizes that he is actually dead.
“OMG – me too, I am too within another experience”, I completely forgot, I am also not within my own real body. I forgot it! I forgot my body! And a question comes up: Where is my ‚real‘ body???
There is a woman, she is the house keeper. I ask her if she knows where my body is. She tells me that she saw it somewhere in those rooms, pointing in a direction.
I follow the direction and look/search for my body.
I find it. It is stored in a plastic bag. I touch the shoulders, even by touching them through the plastic bag I know for sure it is my body, I found it, the body/shoulders feel fragile, but not in the sense of weak or brittle, more in the sense of very specific and detailed. The touch feels like a re-connection, I touch myself.
The bag is dusty. I ask myself “For how long did I forget my body? How the heck could I ever forget my body? How? Why? When? I have no answers to those questions. Yet I have found myself back.
There is movement within me, expressions of words – love, care, warmth, completion, recognition, aknowledgment, safety, peace, content – and forgiveness – and a deep satisfaction – I found an unexpected gift – I remeber myself/I remember who I am.
And there is certainty within me, that I will not allow myself to ever ‘lose’ and forget myself again.