This is a continuation to my previous blog: Day 405 – To be or not …
What is it that the Mimosa-Character really fears? What is the worse case scenario for myself as the Mimosa-Character?
It’s interestingly enough Silence.
I as the Mimosa-Character fear the most the Moment when I think that others are expecting me to say something. I am busy in my head imagining how others will react to what I say, I am busy thinking about what I should or could say and how, I am busy simulating the conversation in my Mind, how I look like from the outside – and so when it’s my turn to talk, to speak, to express — I kind of freeze, go blank and create the very thing I fear the most – a Moment of Silence.
And this is not the end of the program. When I finally start to say something, I judge myself for not being able to talk ‘normally’. I judge myself for being nervous. I judge myself for saying stupid things. Consider how many things we actually process in our heads while talking with others!
In this blog I’ll be focusing on this Moment of Silence.
I am walking this Character in real-time. And I observed a fascinating thing, so when I stabilize myself in those real life moments — I ground myself within and as my Breath, and I practice to stop any Mind-Participation, I stop all the Simulations and Thoughts, I am simply here in and as the Moment, part of a conversation, I listen, I hear, I understand, I participate.
I discovered the Silence, the very thing I feared the most, to be always with me. I actually realized the Silence to be the real me here. I am Silence.
It’s interesting how within the whole Mimosa-Character playout, I feared the most the Moment when the fears, thoughts and imaginations would accumulate and overwhelm myself and collapse in a way, the Moment I have had to actually physically start to express and say something and how I as a Mind-Consciousness-System would sabotage this moment in creating further Judgments and new layers, to not accept and allow myself to realize that I am Silence – within and as every Breath I take, and the Miracle of how I as the Silence am able to create Expressions of and as myself and share it with others – responding, interacting, merging, playing with the Expressions of others.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear myself as the Silence.
I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realize that the Fear of expressing myself in my External Reality is actually the Fear of myself as Silence, my Internal Reality.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create this intense noise pollution within and as my Mind – as the Mimosa-Character – not seeing, realizing and understanding, that the ‘problems’ I have with the communication with others are in fact an outer manifestation of the problems I have with myself, the relationship I have with myself, the communication I have within and as myself.
I was constantly and continuously chattering, gossiping and judging myself, as a separated entity in my head. How could I ever talk with others ‘normally’ while busy processing all the stuff hidden in my head?
I commit myself to embrace the Silence as myself.
I commit myself to embrace the Expressions that I am able to create from within as the Silence that I am.
I commit myself to not fear any Moments of Silence that may emerge within and as myself while communicating with others, as I see, realize and understand, that those are Moments of where I connect with my Inner Self, with my Breath, with my Physical Body – I stabilize myself, I stabilize myself as the Moment as Silence – to from there express and share and communicate – without any disturbance of and as my Mind.