This is a continuation to my previous blog: Day 405 – To be or not …
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create a drama/emotional turmoil, when and as I start to desire/want/need something within and as my Mind.
I forgive myself that I have not accepted and not allowed myself to firstly slow down within myself and consider in self-honesty my desire: reflect and understand what and why I honestly want, how and why did I create it — before I re-act on what automatically emerges within and as my Mind.
I forgive myself that I have not accepted and not allowed myself to realize, that creating an emotional desire within and as my Conscious Mind/Back-Chat is already a consequence, a consequence of me on another level believing and fearing that I cannot get what I want, and so on the conscious level – in thoughts, back-chats and imaginations — starting to manipulate myself.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to project my self-manipuation onto others, and so start to manipulate them, in order to get them into a position of thinking they are responsible of helping me to fulfill my desire, to play the game of fear with and as me.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to sabotage myself in separating myself from that which I desire/want/need, without reflecting, realizing and understanding that desire is based on fear – fear of not getting what I want/need/desire.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to drag others into and as my dramas, and so create useless fights, conflicts and fears, that only separate, entertain and sabotage me and others as me.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want others to do the ‘work’ for me, because – what I’m in fact doing is – manipulate others as myself to walk the physical process of manifesting my desires for me.
I grew up within an environment of lack. We live in a world of survival which means that we all lack things – some of us more, some less, depending on which end of this polarity one exists. We have created a world, where we do NOT give ourselves as we would like to receive. We take, consume, steal — we survive — our existence is one of justification. And this justification condensed into the manifestation of Money and Control.
In german the word ‘survive’ is expressed with the words ‘over-live/life’ = überleben. Isn’t it interesting? We are apparently ‘over/above’ Life itself. We are trampling upon our lifes, we are trampling our lifes underfoot, this is what survival is. And we really believe this way of living to be ‘true’ and a fact — it’s apperently a world of “the survival of the fittest”. Without ever realizing that it IS our creation, and we ARE in fact creators and so we made it this way, it’s not a necessity/divine law.
As a child I was taught in that manner that to get something I had to make it visible and to prove it that I really want it. I had to beg for it. I had to deserve it. I had to earn it. I had to work for it. I had to hope for it. At least, this is what I thought and believed. I believed that manifesting my desires is only possible through others/the outside world – with creating an emotional drama and so make others to see/notice my inner-struggle/conflict/lack, and so to ‘help’ me to fulfill/get it.
Whenever I ‘want’ something, that seems to me to be ‘impossible’ to get/manifest by myself – I automatically run the Program: “Who in my environment can get me this? and how can I manipulate the chance of getting it?” I am basically projecting the fulfillment of my desire onto somebody/outside of myself.
I never considered to move myself beyond my apparent limitations. I never questioned this outflow.
I see, realize and understand that my re-action originates within and as myself creating a point of lack within and as myself, that consequentially produces a ‘Desire’ within and as me. Emotional Desire is my re-action upon the programs that run automatically within and as my Mind.
I see, realize and understand that within/as my ‘desiring mind-processes’ I am consequentially separating myself from myself.
I commit myself to reflect on my desires, whenever I become aware of myself starting to generate an emotional desire I remind myself to take a BREATH, ground myself within and as the PHYSICAL and question myself if I really want to be and stay separated from what I really self-honestly want? Do I want to express myself within/as/through/by my Mind/Consciousness-System – that always has been and will feed off creating an inner conflict and perpetuating my fears? Do I want to manifest more FEARS?
Process has been always fascinating. How all Things/Points always return to Self. ‘Give as you would like to recieve’ applied within and as Self -> GIVE/a GIFT for/as YOURSELF -> Self-Creation.
I commit myself to for the first time stop my mind-process of and as projection – looking OUTSIDE for answers, ways, for fulfillment and completion of my INNER/MYSELF.
I allow myself to realize the Potential that exists as the Self-Transformation : me stopping to fuel my Mind as Emotional Desires = creating ‘Energy’, and rather to use that ‘Power’ to empower myself and to investigate/learn how to in fact create/manifest what I wish for and as myself.
I commit myself to utilize the Process of Self-Transformation, to not only manifest/create what I want – I see, realize and understand, that it is and never was about the EXTERNAL — to HAVE & OWN — I am about to discover, to learn who I really am, and how I am able to create myself — WITHIN MYSELF — through my living, my application into the Physical Manifestation – How the WHO I AM WITHIN creates the WITHOUT, which is in fact Self-Realisation — the REAL-I-AS-ACTION — to BE & BECOME.