This is a continuation to my previous blog: Day 405 – To be or not …
I have been having ‚difficulties‘ with redefining words. It is still an ‚open point‘ for me, so far I didn’t establish a path that works for me. Therefore it is very cool, that we as a group decided to redefine words together. And now I have many buddies – we are in fact all buddies now – for and as each other.
I began learning english when I encountered Desteni, 6 years ago. When I look at an english word I often find like no connection within me at all. I am communicating by ‚using‘ the words I ‚know‘ of – it’s not like I have ‘the feeling‘ of ‚expressing‘ myself.
And it’s interesting, because I have it sometimes also in german, where I think ‘It’s not really what I want to say, but I don’t find the (right) words’. I have only learned german since I was 12 yrs. I was born in Poland, my mother tongue is polish. Today german is my first language, and my polish is quite diminished, I use german daily and polish only within the family context, and I see my mother/family once a month.
This is how I perceive my reality, where I think people are expressing themselves within a language like they’re one with the language, and I am ’seperate‘ from the language. I have no language within me, that I am so ‘merged’ with, that it’s coming out ’naturally‘.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to separate myself from the words I speak, within the justification that they are not ‘my’ language, not seeing, realizing and understanding, that it’s not about the language being ‘mine’ like me owning a language, but about creating myself within and as the language/the words I think, speak and live out and so create myself as each word that I speak, think and live out – no matter what language it is.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to wait for a language/words to manifest definitions and meanings and feelings within me automatically, not seeing, realizing and understanding, that it is exactly about walking Process from Automation to Self-Direction, where I create myself and define the WHO I AM within a language/the words I speak and so live out.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to abdicate responsibility within the language I speak, where I presume and expect the language/the words to give me direction and definition and tell me WHO I AM.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to forget that a language/the words are a Tool that I as a Being have to master to express myself – where I as a Being define the language/words I speak and so decide within any language and all the words I speak – who I want to be, and as who I want to express myself.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to automatically assume that I am not living words at all, because it is perfectly automated and I don’t have any awareness of and as it – I just ‘use’ them — not seeing and understanding that in abdicating my self-responsibility within expressing myself as sound words I got ‘used’ to be used by the words of and as an automated Mind Consciousness System.
I forgive myself that I have not accepted and not allowed myself to realize, that not having ONE ‘merged’ Language System is not an obstacle or a failure, but in fact an apportunity for me to create myself as all the languages/all the words I speak in absolute awareness.
I commit myself to create a path and a way of redefining words within and as me, that works for me.
I commit myself to expand my vocabulary – to support myself in mastering a language – to be able to express myself freely, but I see, realize and understand that Process it is not about the ‘Quantity’ of words I know – it is about the ‘Quality’ of words I live.
I realize that I have to redefine each word I use as that which I want to express myself as and live out in this world – to create the word and direct the world as myself.
I realize that if ‘I’ use words in separation of myself – it’s in fact not ‘me’ using the words, but the words using me – the Expression of my Being fueling a Mind Consciousness System.
I see, realize and understand that the Desteni-I-Process is the Stopping of the words of and as the Mind Consciousness System directing the ‘I’, and Redefining all automated words to sound Expressions of Self – sound being that which supports ALL Life.
I commit myself to support myself unconditionally to create a language within and as me, that is expressing my Beingness in each word I think, speak and so live out, as that which is best for all.