I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear to express myself …
Today I had an interesting experience at work.
We had a very important event ongoing, where everyone is stressed, extremely busy and everything must work. Isn’t it interesting how the ‘size’ of a possible mistake is getting ‘bigger’ and ‘bigger’ in our eyes the more ‘important’ the job/task seems to be? And how readily we are to blame others if things aren’t working properly? And how much we fear mistakes and failures?
I do not work alone, I work with a large team of 30-40 even up to 50 and more people. All of our individual jobs depend on each other.
At some point a co-worker approached me that something wasn’t working. He came to me already with that attitude that I am responsible for it to work. It was the first time I saw that guy on the set, he was new in the team.
I had an initial reaction, that he even doesn’t know ‘his’ responsibilities and that it is NOT my responsibility to do ‘his’ job.
I stopped myself, and I must admit that it was not only because I realized that it is exactly the reality reflecting back to me what I have decided to specifically walk in my Process this week — as going deeper into the ‘Progamming of Blame’ – but also because there was indeed no time for blaming, the set up had to be ready and working no matter what.
I moved myself and decided to help out and to investigate the ‘problem’. I have put myself in the shoes of another. And indeed, together we found the solution. It was actually a single wrong checkmark in the settings of the software.
And within that moment of us finding the ‘Error’ I realised the awesomeness of not going into the blaming-game, but rather go and move beyond the fear and find a solution.
The Reward of this day was that I have learned someting new, that is not part of my ‘usual job’. I have expanded not only my knowledge, but also myself within challenging situations at work – I have strengthened my self-trust in not bying into Blame so easily. I have also extended my network at work and created a new relationship with that guy.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge and to blame that guy that he is not able to handle ‘his’ job, because I feared to be responsible for ‘his’ mistakes.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear being responsible for someone else’s mistakes.
I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realize, that the fear of being responsible for someone else’s mistakes, is indeed my own fear of my own mistakes.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear doing mistakes and/or to be seen as someone who does mistakes, as I fear losing my ‘value’ as my reputation at work, and fear people thinking that I am not ‘good’ at what I do.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear people thinking that I am incompetent and not able to handle ‘my’ job.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear taking responsibility, and so to hide that fear of responsibility from myself, in projecting my ‘guilt’ on my fellow beings and to blame ‘them’.
I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realize that it is in fact my own ‘guilt’ that I feel when I try to hide from my responsibilities, that is fueling the Blame that I am so easily ready to project on others, instead from the getgo take on the ‘problem’ / Error and not make it personal, but rather look for the solution.
I see, realize and understand that only within Responsibility I am able to find Solutions.
I see, realize and understand that only within taking Self-Responsibility I am able to create myself as the Solution.
I commit myself to go even deeper into the ‘Programming of Blame’ and to investigate how and when I still tend to hide my Fear of Responsibility and project my Guilt onto others as Blame.
I commit myself to utilze practically Blame as my currently Automated Version — as it is clearly showing me where and when I am NOT here aware and responsible for my words, thoughts and deeds — and through Self-Forgiveness and Self-Corrective Statements transform and change myself to a Self-Responsible Version.
I commit myself to not take Blame personally, but to look at the given Problem or Mistake as a ‘Question’ that require an ‘Answer’ as a Solution.
I decide to establish myself as the Part of the Solution.