I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create a drama/emotional turmoil, …
Desires was the Leading Point within my life. I was directing myself always in alignment with my desires as what I have imagined, pictured within and as my Mind.
In my past I tried to follow them, to ignore them, to sabotage them, to forbid them, to avoid them, to fulfill them, but mostly suppress them, and so I was never in peace.
What I find supporting and assisting is: to not allow and accept ‘desiring’ within and as my MIND – in other words – I do NOT participate in imagining doing something/having something, what will or could happen and how it is going to make me feel, but express them physically as they emerge. Because I found this fascinating point about Desires, when I do express them physically, I do not suppress them. In a way it is making peace with it, and firstly take it for what it is. I mean, shit – when a Desire comes up – it is in a way ‘too late’ to suppress and ignore or deny. And the Point that I came to observe is, that when I express the Desire physically – I can not deny what it is. I make it visible, and so all what it is, and obviously all the dishonesty in it and as it – is here. It is any way here, but within and as my Mind, I can manipulate myself and alter it to something ‘acceptable’.
I found some desires to be ‘valid’, in terms of, that I do not see any reason, why I have suppressed myself in first place. It was purely out of fear. Fascinatingly enough – the Fear is one and equal to the Desire itself, for instance I was suppressing the ‘Desire of Love’, because I feared ‘Love’. Expressing the ‘Desire of Love’ physically is also stopping the ‘desiring’ as a Mind-Process, the back-chatting, the imaginations etc. – and allowing myself to develop an one and equal Relationship with and as the Word ‘Love’ as myself – I am directly developing and creating my Self-Expression within and as ‘Love’.
Some Desires are so out of Context, so Un-Real, Parts of a totally separated Mind-Reality, that I am not able to express them physically. There is like no chance to manifest them. There is a huge discrepancy between the Real-World and my Mind-World. My Mind is running by itself without any crossreference with the Physical. And here I stop myself and investigate the How and Why I have came to exist within and as my Mind only.
A Practical Example. I was desiring a car. I was dreaming about a BMW. Within and as my Mind, a BMW was the Perfect Car. During my days, I was preoccupied with thinking about a BMW, how it would be to have one, how it would be to drive one, how it would make me feel to be an owner of a BMW, how people would see me, etc. This was the ‘positive’ part. Then I was shifting into the ‘negative’ and was all pity about myself, because I had NO BMW. And I had back-chats like ‘I will never have a car’.
The day I allowed myself to express it, in terms of to investigate my financial capacity and the position to really buy me a car, taking into consideration all the costs, the insurance, the tax, the car price itself, the maintenance – I found that I can not have a BMW, but I am able to buy me A car. Forgiving myself all the Illusions – the Images, Memories, Thoughts, Feelings and Emotions – allowed me to see a BMW as simply A Car, the comfort to have one and making a desicion to support and assist me with the car I am able to afford. And this is also a fascinating point, that within and as my ‘desiring’ mind-processes – I did not see at all, that I am actually able to ‚fulfill my Desire’, and that the ‘mind-desiring’ was completely unnecessary in first place.
And so the Solution to my Desires is the Change within my Alignment. I do not align myself within and as my Desires within and as my Mind – I do align my Desires within and as the Physical Reality. I do sort out my Mind, stop the unreal and live for real.