My cat died. It was the first time I touched a dead body without fear. I realized …
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I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself the experience of desire to have THE specific ‚perfect‘ watch to exist within/as me.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself the emotion of jealousy to exist within/as me, when seeing/noticing someone’s wrist watch and accepting and allowing myself to become one and equal to/as the desire to have/possess THAT watch, not allowing myself to realize that I am in fact re-creating over and over again a past moment, in which I would for the first time experience that desire/want and need to have/possess someone else’s watch.
I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to realize/see/understand that I do NOT need a watch, as a function to know the time, or any other purpose, and that I in fact created this experience of desire and need of someone else’s possession, in form of a watch, because I have separated myself from ALL as one as equal, and through this separation I believed that I need and desire ‚things‘ as outer manifestations to be fulfilled and satisfied, and when I see/notice someone else is having/possessing a thing, I do want and desire it, too.
I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to realize/see/understand that I myself created that desire because of accepting and allowing a Back-Chat of deceiving myself into a belief that I really, really, really NEED that watch, where I did in fact NOT.
I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to see/realize/understand that through the constant and continuos participation within/as the Back-Chat of wanting/desiring a watch, I have created a behavioral pattern as me, in terms of I defined myself accordingly to that behavioral pattern and become equal-to and one-with that pattern, and believed that this is WHO I AM, and that it is my ‚thing‘ to like watches (WTF), instead of realizing that I am NOT the desires and needs, that are merely self-deception and self-delusion, because I in fact do NOT need a watch, not speaking about someone else’s watch.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to place value within/as a watch, and that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that if I only find THE perfect watch, I will become one and equal with myself.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that a watch could fulfill and satisfy me.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I HAVE to find the ‚perfect‘ watch, that it is a ‚important‘ thing for me to find a ‚perfect‘ watch, because I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself in separation of myself, and THE ‚perfect‘ watch became a separated ‚part‘ of me, that I believed to HAVE to find it ‚back‘ to fix myself.
I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see/realize/understand that a watch can never fix myself, that a watch will never fix that desire/want experience existing within and as me, and when I get THE ‚perfect‘ watch, sooner or later I will start again looking for the next ‚perfect‘ watch, like I do/did with all desired ‚things’/Beings/manifestations, because I have not allowed myself to see/realize/understand that the starting point of that desire – in fact is – the separation of myself – the LACK of Self, and as long as I do NOT become one and equal to ALL LIFE, I will always in all ways LACK myself as LIFE.
I commit myself when and as I see desire of having/possessing someone else’s watch or any other watch – to stop and to breath – I realize that this desire is a behavioral pattern, that I myself have created over time, through participation within/as a Back-Chat, through allowances and acceptances of wanting/desiring a ‚thing‘ to fulfill me at all costs to exist within/as me, and that this desire is NOT real and merely self-deception and self-delusion, in term sof that I have to find THE ‚perfect‘ watch, because I accepted and allowed myself to delude myself into a belief, that a watch can fix myself and fulfill the LACK of SELF as LIFE.
I commit myself to assist and support myself unconditionally and use watches as reminders, to ‚watch myself‘ in terms of becoming aware of WHO I have accepted and allowed myself to become, in defining myself in separation of Life, and to walk the process of self-revelation and self-realization to stop the separation of Self as Life, because I see/realize/understand that I will never become FULL and satisfied as long as I am defining myself in separation of LIFE, because I see/realize/understand that Life itself is fulfilling and satisfying.