I am here, at the desteni farm. It’s my third visit. Each time it is …
Looking at those Words ‘Letting Go’ – the ‘Experience’ I have is as though I would have to ‘give up’ something or someone or whatever and it is as though that something or someone or whatever would after ‘I let go’ then disappear, cease to exist, be no more. And immediately ‘Fear’ comes up within me, the Fear of Loss, and so I fear ‘Letting Go’.
This ‘Experience’ – the Experience of Fear of Letting Go – the way I look at, speak and live out those words ‘Letting Go’ – is clearly from a Mind-Perspective – seeing everything through and with the Eyes of Energy. I mean, I see, hear, read or speak the Words ‘Letting Go’, but what I ‘process’ is ‘the Energy of Losing’ – ‘Letting Go’ means to me as a Mind-System ‘losing’.
I see, realise and understand, how I have programmed myself to ‘interpret’ words. Interpretation basically meaning attaching Emotions, Feelings, and Meanings, Memories, Experiences to Words. And so I never see, hear, speak or read the actual Words, only the meaning thereof I have created within and as my Mind. In this regard the Mind is kind of a Translation / or Interpretation Machine – a System that determines what I ‘think’, and how I ‘think’, and what I ‘believe’, how I ‘feel’.
Allowing myself to look at those Words ‘Letting Go’ as what they really stand for and stand as – without any Emotional or Mental Attachments – LETTING GO → as ‘give’ something/someone/or whatever the space and time to ‘move’ and to ‘expand’ – changes the Perspective from ‘giving up’ to actually really ‘giving’.
At the beginning of my Process and the initial listening to/reading through the Desteni Material, I was having the Experience / Reaction of ‘Shit – for me to birth myself as Life Here, I have to ‘lose’ everything’. I really ‘thought’ I have to end everything, like have no friends, no family, no relationship, no fun, etc. At some point I have realised the ridiculousness of it. ‘Fear of Loss’ is really more FEAR than actual LOSS. Ending any Fear does really only ‘require’ to stop only the FEAR and nothing else. In other words – we are only stopping the Illusion – something that was never ‘real’ in first place. Facing ‘Fear of Loss’ also means to find out, what is ‘Real’ in one’s Life and what is an ‘Illusion’. One cannot stop ‘real’ things. I remember B. once saying ‘if it’s real you cannot change it’. Looking at it from the Mind-Perspective is like – if you allow yourself to become and be an Illusion, you make it ‘real’ and then you believe you can’t change, but it really doesn’t mean you are really ‘REAL’ – you are still an ‘Illusion’. The Ability to Distinct between ‘Real’ and ‘Illusion’ requires obviously radical self-honesty.
I commit myself – when and as I see myself experiencing Fear of Loss, Fear of Letting Go – to stop and to breathe – and not to channel myself into the Experience, but to rather utilize it practically: to find out/investigate what Illusions I still hold onto, what Illusions I fear losing – because the Experience of ‘Fear of Letting Go’/’Fear of Loss’ is basically the System fearing ‘losing’ itself, fearing ceasing to exist.
And so I commit myself to correct and stop the Fear and change it to a Gift – gifting myself the Opportunity of truly ‘Letting Go’ – and in doing so I allow myself to find out who I really am, stop all the Illusions, and let the Real Life in – to allow myself to expand and grow and develop as Physical Life Here.