This is a continuation to my previous blog: Day 405 – To be or not …
I realise that the Point of ‘I do not want to face it’ – ‘I do not want to go there’ – ‘It makes me feel ‘negative’ – basically where I in fact create ‘negativity’ within and as my very SELF – is the very Point I am missing within the Experience of ‘Negativity’ as a whole. It is the actual Point of Direction, where I direct myself accordingly to the ‘negative Energy’ – I am abdicating MY self-responsibility and accepting and allowing the Energy to take over and direct. The Consequence thereof is – that I am obviously experiencing myself disempowered and inferior – but it is the Experience I am actually really creating as myself. Within it I realise that I am the Creator of the very Separation I am experiencing.
So I commit myself to firstly stabilize myself within and as Breath within and as my Physical Body – and in breathing to ‘let go’ and not accept and allow the Experience to ‘take over’ – in doing so I am changing my Perspective of ‘being overwhelmed and being directed’ to ‘being here and directing’.
I commit myself to unconditionally support and assist myself to not live out/embody ‘the Experience’ as Energy, but to rather investigate the Experience, as how I have created it – to so enable myself to see and to self-forgive myself the Relationships of ‘negativity’ I have accepted and allowed to exist within and as me.
I commit myself to stop, when and as I see, that I ‘hope’, ‘desire’ or ‘wish for’ an ‘External Power/Being/Thing/Experience/Outcome’ to fix this ‘Negativity’. I realise that the Desire, Wish or Hope is the very Self-Separation-Process where I create the ‘Negativity’ in first place, which I then try to ‘fix’.
I realize that the only way to ‘fix’ the ‘Negativity’ is to change myself – I am the Creator of myself as ‘Negativity’ therefore I must change and stop being an Energy-Generator/ an Energy-Robot. ‘Feeding’ ‘Negativity’ with ‘Positivity’ will never solve the Problem, it will not fulfill myself, it will fulfill the System I am accepting and allowing myself to be, but it is not real – to stop and re-birth myself as Life HERE I have to dare to step beyond the System – stop the ‘Negativity’ AND ‘Positivity’.
I commit myself to radical self-honesty and investigation of such destructive relationships of separation, that I have accepted and allowed myself to be and became.
I commit myself to show me more self-respect and self-love and not let go of myself and give up on myself, because of some ‘Negativity’ I have to face.