I have been having ‚difficulties‘ with redefining words. It is still an ‚open point‘ for …
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to automatically react in irritation, when I hear the word ‘Świnia’ (pig) being spoken by a family member.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realise how a specific tonality and the way of pronouncing the word — the accentuation of the first letter ‘Ś’ — is automatically starting a process within and as me, where I do not hear anymore a ‘word’, but a whole ‘world’ activates within and as my Mind.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to charge the word ‘Świnia’ (pig) with ‘negative’ value, and so identified myself in Separation within and as the word ‘Świnia’ (pig).
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to attach a bunch of other ‘negative’ words, beliefs, interpretations to the word ‘Świnia’ (pig) — like for instance ‘asshole’ or ‘disgust’ — so that each time the word is being spoken, I generate a complete ‘experience’ within and as myself.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to take the word ‘Świnia’ (pig) personally, and so whenever a family member speaks that word, I think and believe they speak about ‘Me’ in a ‘negative’ way.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to program the word ‘Świnia’ (pig) and attach to it all kind of stuff and so inflate it within and as my Mind and so in fact create a ‘Self-Definition’, wherein it stopped being simply a ‘name’ of an animal — and it became ‘my name’ within and as a very specific character-experience.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realise, how I have inflated a simple animal name to a monstrous mind-relationship within and as myself — which means I have created a mind-relationship within the word, and the relationship became ‘me’.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create the belief, that a Human, who is being called ‘Świnia’ (pig) is ‘dirty’ and ‘loathing’ — and so whenever I hear the word being spoken in polish by a family member I think, believe and interpret them to call me ‘dirty’ and ‘loathing’ — and it is so fascinating because those specific reactions that are being activated within me, are not activated the same way if the word is spoken in any other given language. So I realise, that I have created connections/relationships between the word itself, the tonality, the sounding of the word, my family members, my interpretations of the word — and all of it within and as myself — so that I take the word very personally.
And so I realise that if the word is being spoken, I think and believe it’s ‘Me’.
I realise how I have inflated the word — from an animal name to ‘my’ name — and how the word is no more describing an animal, but the ‘who I am’ — who I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself as — and how in fact the word has nothing to do with the animal itself, but with the relationships that I have formed, accepted, allowed and so created within and as myself.
And so I realise, that to stop my Reaction I do not have to wait or expect my family to change/stop calling me a ‘Świnia’ (pig) – but I am able to take responsibility for those relationships that are existing within and as myself and to re-align them, to redefine myself within the word ‘Świnia’ (pig), to discharge the word, to stop defining myself in Separation within the word, to delete the word as a self-definition and to so eventually hear my family members speaking just an animal’s name — maybe at an inappropriate time and place — but it is their responsibility, what words they’re using/speaking.