My cat died. It was the first time I touched a dead body without fear. I realized …
Reading through the blogs I have written on ‚Jealousy‘, I see there are many Dimensions to it. The first Dimension I was walking in my writing was about ‚Control‘ – and specifically Jealousy as the Fear of Loss of Control. In my last writing I have walked my Self-Forgiveness on Jealousy as the Self-Judgment of NOT being Comfortable and Intimate ‚enough‘ and so reacting whenever I saw a potential Partner/Partner in a Situation with another being that I judged as ‚comfortable‘ and ‚intimate‘. And fascinatingly enough, I realised that what I saw/judged as ‚comfortable‘ and ‚intimate‘ was/is never necessarily for REAL ‚comfortable‘ or ‚intimate‘, because I as the Mind/Consciousness never directly see Physical Reality, but only my own Creation/my own Self-Judgments/Judgments.
Today I will establish Self-Commitments to assist and support myself in standing equal and one within and as Self-Comfortability, Self-Intimacy, Self-Care and Self-Fulfillment – as I have allowed myself to see, realise and understand that the most important Relationship that exist is that ONE with and as MySelf and that all externalised Relationships that I create, originate and outflow from and of it, and if I accept and allow myself any Self-Judgments to exist within and as myself, I will embody and live out those Self-Judgments and so create Consequences as for instance the Experience of Jealousy, which is really really unnecessary.
I see, realise and understand that ‚fighting‘ the Emotion of Jealousy – what manifested and the ‚Self-Hate‘ towards, within and as mySelf – only caused the Creation of an ‚Inner Conflict‘ that only led to more Suppression and more Layers of Emotional Bodies. And fascinatingly enough Suppression does not mean, that those Emotional Bodies become ‚unvisible‘ – they become ‚unvisible‘ to Self but are still a Part of Self of which Self is not ‚Aware‚ and so in No Control – and so one give even more Power to those Emotinal Bodies as ‚they‘ become a ‚Dark Passenger‘, a ‚Character‘, that direct and control us – instead of us taking the Responsibility of what we have accepted and allowed ourselves to create/generate within and as ourselves and sort it out and align it to Equality and Oneness within and as Ourselves – to be and to live ourselves and so our Lifes as Self-Directive Living Beings.
I see, realise and understand that I have tried to ‚fix‘ Jealousy in attempting to control my potential partners/partners – which is completely stupid, because I am in no position and never able to control the Mind of another Being. And if I accept and allow myself to become a nasty, manipulative Jealous-Character, that ‚works‘ in hidden, secretive, suppressed ways, what kind of relationship do I in fact create ?? How am I so able to create a stable and trust-worthy relationship, when I myself am NOT stable and trust-worthy ??
I see, realise and understand that because I have defined myself in Separation within Comfortability and Intimacy – I was always buying into and channeling myself into the ‚Experience of Jealousy‘ – it was simply a consequential outflow of the Self-Judgment of NOT being Self-Comfortable and Self-Intimate that I would ‚find’/see in externalized Relationships or Pictures or Images within and as my Mind.
So! Here I will establish some practical Commitments to re-align myself in Oneness and Equality within and as Myself – as I see, realise and understand, that was I was jealous of was in fact ALL that I would NOT GIVE to Myself as Myself.
For most – I commit myself to utilize ‚Jealousy‘ as a flag point, that I have accepted and allowed myself to create a relationship in separation within and as myself and so I commit myself to NOT project ‚Jealousy‘ externally but bring it back to myself and to investigate this Relationship towards, within and as myself in Writing, Self-Forgiveness and practical Self-Correction – to re-align myself in Oneness and Equality and stop all Internal Conflict as Self-Judgments, Back-Chat, Emotions/Feelings etc.
I commit myself to support and assist myself in Stopping the Fear of the ‚Experience of Jealousy‘ – because I realise that I have created a Pattern in Suppressing the Emotion of Jealousy. I see, realise and understand that Fear of anything does not sort out anything but rather give Power to everything, that I have suppressed as it becomes a Part of myself that I am not aware, not even conscious of – that directs and controls me in ‚invisible‘ ways as for instance creation of Relationships of Dependency based on manipulations and lies. And so – whenever I am experiencing ‚Jealousy‘ – I commit myself to slow myself down and breathe, and face myself directly as ‚Jealousy‘ and see beyond the Fear into and as myself and forgive myself what I have accepted and allowed myself NOT to give myself as myself.
Within this I commit myself to support and assist myself in establishing Self-Care, Self-Comfortability, Self-Intimacy in truly getting to know myself and to GIVE myself the Attention that I so extensively look for. I realise that Self-Comfortability, Self-Intimacy has to be LIVED in each Breath – I realise that I am always HERE and that NO externalized relationship can GIVE me, what I myself have NOT given to myself first, and that sharing Intimacy, Care, Fulfillment and Comfortablity with another being/beings is NOT about giving it in SEPARATION to each other but giving and so gifting it to SELF one and equal with all as oneself.
I see, realise and understand that ‚Jealousy‘ is a self-dishonest LIE as it is based on the Belief that one require some Externalized Relationships to NOT be jealous and a make-belief as to be in Control of those externalized Relationships. The Jealousy-Character is in fact a very nasty one as it operates in ‚disguise‘ as a ‚victim‘ wherein in fact it is it a greedy self-interested beast.
And so I commit myself to support and assist myself to walk my Journey to Life daily as I realise that re-birthing myself as Life HERE will take some Dedication and many Days/Years to free myself of ALL Beasts that I have accepted and allowed myself to become and to exist as.