This Blog is a continuation of: Day 416 | The Mimosa-Character – 1 Day 417 …
I have developed some Fears – many actually – but it’s a Journey so I will face them one by one – Breath by Breath – and work with what is here.
I am like an Ocean consisting of waves upon waves of Supressed Energies. And somewhere on the ground I found a ‚SELF‘ that is aware. Aware of the astounding fact, that I do NOT direct those Energies although I am generating those Energies constantly – I am but a Product of those Energies. The Question is do I want to be a Product or do I want to be LIFE.
When I take apart and investigate each one of those Energies, what I see is Feelings and Emotions. Feelings as ‚positive‘ Motivators and Emotions as ’negative‘ Motivators. And looking closer at those Motivators I see that all of them are rooted in Fear – a Conflict, that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to evolve into and so became IT absolutely. SO how did it happen, that I stopped living and started to hide and create layers upon layers to hide myself literally from that initial ‚SELF‘ that was HERE? To the point of Today, where I hardly am able to answer a simple question: WHO and WHERE am ‚I‘ within it all?
When Fear is the Root of myself Today, it’s clear that I have to face that Ocean of FEAR as MYSELF to eventually re-discover and be able to re-birth myself – as a NEW BEING – and gift my’SELF‘ the WHO and WHERE I truly want to BE and LIVE.
There is ONE Tool, with which ONE is able to Change ONEself as Fear to a SELF that is HERE — and that is Self-ForGIVEness in Self-hONEsty.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to evolve into and so become Fear – not realising that Fear is a Rotten Root that produces Rotten Fruits as Emotions and Feelings. Emotions as the Accumulation of the ‚Negative‘ Energies and Feelings as the Culmination of the ‚Negative‘ Energies, that I perceive to be ‚Positive‘, because I have brainwashed myself to become ‚blind‘ to the fact, that all those ‚positive‘ Feelings are rooted in absolute Fear.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself that if I give up myself as Fear I will lose Everything, because I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself in Separation of mySELF within those FEARS and so became an Ocean of Fears – all the accumulated Energies that I have generated and generated and generated – without ever realising that if I stop generating Energy and stop defining myself as Energy I will be (still) aLIFE.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realise, that I do not have to give up anything but the Illusion and whenever I fear losing something it is an Indicator that I hold on to an E-Motion – an Energy in Motion – and so limiting myself within and as an Illusion of Motion instead of an Expression as myself as Life HERE.
I commit myself to take care of the Rotten Fruits as my Creations of Feelings and Emotions and bring them all back to myself in Self-hONEsty and to re-align myself within and as the Physical through the Process of Writing, Self-ForGIVEness and Self-Corrective-Application – to eventualy re-estabslish and re-create mySELF in Oneness and Equality as LIFE HERE.
I commit myself to assist and support myself through the daily writing of Journey to Life as my platform and my documetation of Self-Change.
I commit myself to push myself through the Fears of Letting Go of Energy, because I realise that Feelings and Emotions became my precious possessions and I became an obsessed Addict and that it will take some Dedication and Commitment to re-establish myself as a Self-Directive and Self-Responsible Living Being.