I am here, at the desteni farm. It’s my third visit. Each time it is …
I am carrying a great guilt around with me. I had a boyfriend ten years ago and I had wilfully misled and cheated on him. Whenever I recall this whole event I am experiencing a lot of guilt. It is still fully present in my current life – I have realised how this ‚experience‘ was/is consequencial to all relationships I have formed and created afterwards, and am still creating and participating in today. In this Blog I will release myself as this memory and this emotion through applying Self-Forgiveness and then gift myself the opportunity to change my past relationship within guiltiness to so be able to create a new future as myself.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in ‚guilt‘ for so many years, without allowing myself to realise how I am in fact imprisoning myself within ONE memory, one action, and how so, one memory and one action could control and determine my whole life afterwards – without ever accepting and allowing myself to realise that keeping ‚alive‘ the memory of guiltiness within and as my Mind is separating myself from and as Life Here and so repeating my past over and over and over again, which is madness.
I realise that I have to discharge the memory of the emotion ‚guilt‘ to so be able to firstly directly see what really happened and secondly to see what was my actual responsibility within it, and finally to take self-responsibility for my creation and so align it to Oneness and Equality within and as myself Here – because it is the only way I will ever be able to create a new future for myself as myself.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe and to think that if I have done something ‚wrong‘ it is ’natural‘ to feel ‚guilty‘, without allowing myself to realise that ‚guilt‘ doesn’t change the facts, it doesn’t change myself as the starting point of the whole ‚creation‘ – it is an energetical charge that ties me up to/within/as a ‚memory‘ and so in fact keeps me stuck within that ONE memory for ever more.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe and to think that if I have done something ‚wrong‘ it’s my job to feel guilty, in terms of that it is the way to ‚undo‘ what I have done – because through feeling ‚guilty‘ one is ’showing‘ the other that one was ‚wrong‘ and so ready to ‚be forgiven‘.
Within that I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that my ‚guilt‘ must be ‚forgiven‘ by the other being. And because my ex-boyfriend never forgave me I was infinitely stuck in the ‚experience‘ of guiltiness.
Within that I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to NOT realise, that the ‚experience’of guiltiness exists within and as my Mind only, that I am in fact the creator of this ‚experience‘ and therefore the only one that is responsible and the only one who can forgive me, which is in fact Self-Forgiveness.
Within that I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that if only my ex-boyfriend would have forgiven me, I would be ‚free‘ of guiltiness, without allowing myself to realise how I am – within this whole experience – shifting ‚my‘ responsibility always to the other being – firstly within the cheating-process itself, wherein I believed to be cheating on my boyfriend, when in fact I was cheating on myself – living a life of total self-deception and in total self-dishonesty – and secondly within the emotional turmoil afterwards, wherein I still believed it was in my ex-boyfriend’s hands to literally ‚release‘ me.
And so I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to ‚cheat on my boyfriend‘ as a consequence of a life in total self-dishonesty, not allowing myself to realise how ‚I was in fact cheating on myself‘, because I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I am responsible for someone else’s life-experience at the expense of my own life-experience, so that I would rather cheat on myself for the sake of someone else’s life-experience, than stand in Oneness and Equality as myself Here.
I realise how I placed my entire ‚who I am‘, my ‚wholeness‘ in separation of myself within and as the relationship I have formed and created with my ex-boyfriend and so I have placed more ‚value‘ within this relationship and my boyfriend, than within myself, and this is total self-dishonesty – And then I have started to manipulate and to deceive everyone and everything, especially myself to maintain the ‚pretty picture‘ of the ‚relationship‘ that was in fact shattered long before the cheating-process took place.
I realise how the current understanding of doing something ‚wrong‘ or ‚cheating‘ is totally misled as it reverses self-responsibility to being responsible for someone else’s life-experience/creation – and so we are all stuck within and as the ‚experiences‘ of ‚guilt‘ and ‚blame‘ as an infinite polarity-game which obviously only benefits the System, because Forgiveness never actually did work, as it is proven by the current state of the world, where Forgiveness is being preached and practiced for thousands of years and no actual change ever happened – because as long as we do not realise that we are self-responsible creators and that our creation within influences and forms the without, the ‚whole‘ creation in Oneness and Equality as ALL as ourselves HERE – we will not change and so nothing will change — And so as Self-Responsible Creators we can only forgive ourselves for what we have accepted and allowed ourselves to become and exist as.
I commit myself to, when I create and form relationships to always ensure that I do not reverse my responsibility of what I am accepting and allowing myself to exist as to another being, and in doing so that I always take self-responsibility for my ‚own‘ creation – I see that everything is in revers in fact – and that if I want to have a life-experience of ‚guiltilessness‘ I have to stop all self-dishonesty and stop cheating on myself completely, which means that I have to always be self-honest, equal and one within and as myself Here.
I commit myself to place value within and as myself as Life Here – I realise that all relationships that I have formed and created in separation of myself Here – placing more value within and as those relationships than within and as myself as Life Here – I was in fact creating the separation without, and so NOT one relationship could ever stand, because it was created in self-dishonesty in first place.
I realise that my relationship within and as my Mind is the Number ONE Cheat and Deception that I accepted and allowed myself to exist as, and that all ‚Experiences‘ of Feelings and Emotions like for instance ‚guilt‚ is a consequence of that acceptance and allowance, because within that I accept and allow to demise all Self-Responsibility to the Mind without allowing myself to realise that it in fact leads to the demise of my SELF HERE.
And so I commit myself to – within any relationship I form and create – firstly have an agreement within and as myself – to care about myself – and to sort out immediately any inner conflict as it emerges – any emotion, any feeling, any thought, any back-chat, any reaction to/towards the relationship itself – as I realise that all of it is total self-dishonesty and will always lead to self-deception and so will always create some form of ‚cheating‘, for which I am always responsible.