Day 131 – Fear of Expression

23. November 2012

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear to express myself as HERE as the totality of myself and so always ensure, that I take a PICTURE, make a JUDGMENT, create a BELIEF of what I am presenting myself as, without allowing myself to realise, that what I am in fact doing, is separating myself as Equal and One Being to an altered ‚personality’/character, and bc I’ve done so throughout my Existence I have separated myself into innumerable entities and now there is NO SELF that is Equal and One – I have No idea ‚who I am‘ – and that’s really tricky, bc I believe that ‚who I am‘ is an IDEA, and so I look for and seek the IDEA-L version of myself, the perfect Character, and separate myself even more.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I have to behave in a certain way, dress in a certain way, speak in a certain way, look in a certain way, move in a certain way to BE SOMEONE in the Eyes of others, which is in fact a very self-dishonest decision, bc it implies deception.

Within that I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself not to realise, that fear of expression is in fact fear of letting go of deception.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear to express myself due to the fear that I will lose control of how others perceive me, not allowing myself to realise that what I am in fact afraid of is that others may see the ‚bad‘ parts of me – and that is so interesting – that I never cared and took responsibility of those ‚bad‘ parts, but instead looked for a way to hide them.

Within that I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself not to realise, that if I accept and allow myself to exist as ‚Parts‘ of which some I have juded as ‚positive/good‘ and some as ’negative/bad‘. I am in fact creating Conflict within and as me, which is self-abusive.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that there is No way, that all Human Beings can co-exist in Harmony and Peace if everyone would express free, bc I’ve believed Free Expression means to be Free to Chose whatever ‚I‘ want, even if it IS self-abusive/abusive.

Within that I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself not to realise, that Free Expression is what I accept and allow myself to exist as in the Eyes of ALL as myself, taking all ‚I‘ into consideration as myself, to so ensure that 1 plus 1 always equals 2, that ABUSE never can be allowed and Life as Expression is the only value and so free Expression of all Abuse/Self-Abuse.

I realise that free expression HERE is taking responsiblity for the ‚personatlities‘ and ‚characters‘ I have created and automated over time, and bring back all the separated and altered ‚parts‘ of me, discharge the ‚positive‘ and ’negative‘ Judgments, NOT by simply stating ALL is Good, but through aligning it to an Physical Equal and One Expression without Abuse/Self-Abuse – a freed Expression – and keep what is Best for ALL Expression as LIFE and stop all that is abusive/self-abusive.

I commit myself to assist and support myself through a Process of Writing, Self-Forgiveness and Self-corrective Application to align myself – all the separate, altered Parts – to an equal and one Expression of myself HERE, free myself from all abuse and self-abuse, so that I don’t have to ‚hide‘ some parts of me, but stand as an example that Life in Harmony and Peace starts with Peace and Harmony within and as oneself Here.

I commit myself to assist and support myself within the Process of stopping taking PICTURES, making JUDGMENTS, creating BELIEFS of what I am presenting myself as – and allow myself to realise that I am able to direct myself as my Physical Expression in each Breath and that my only Mirrow should be the Physical Existance as it is the only real and stable cross-reference point of what I am accepting and allowing myself to exist as – and that my access to Physical Reality is Breath by Breath – and NOT the Mind.

Art taken from: MatterFreeMan: Day 149: Human Consciousness in the Journey to Source http://bit.ly/UYVNg1 by Matti Destonian Freeman



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