This Self-Forgiveness is inspired by the EQAFE.com Interview: Blame as Emotional Possession – The Metaphysical …
During the Farm Visit I had a Dream, actually only this one Dream.
So, I went to bed at midnight – as usual – and I woke up, because I felt like someone was lying behind me, very close – touching with his body my body, this experience was so real, I could feel every detail of another’s body alongside my back, my legs and I became very anxious, wondering wtf is going on, why the hell is someone in my bed? So I woke up and realised it’s just a dream, there is in fact no one else in my bed, it’s just a super real sensation. And then I wanted to look out of the window, to see what time it is, if it is still deep dark night, or if the day is already dawning – if there is any chance that I can continue sleeping without the ‚pressure‘ of getting up soon LOLOL – AND I couldn’t see the window clear, it changed it’s form – and there I realised, Fuck I am still sleeping, this is still me dreaming!
I had a very confusing moment – what is REAL and what is ILLUSION – Am I really dreaming or what is really happening, because I really thought I woke up, everything felt so real, it was night, I was in my room, in my bed, sitting there and wondering.
And then I heard my own voice, the voice was everywhere, within and without, BUT it was NOT me speaking. A moment later the voice changed and I heard Bernard’s voice, it was exactly his tonality, his way of pronouncing the words, his voice’s velocity and pace and speed. I was like, wtf is going on, how am I able to dream Bernards voice in such detail, it sounds soooo real, even more then real – super real and very clear.
And then the scene changed, I was in a huge space and there were thousands of wires and threads that were connected and interweaved – it was similar to the pictures of neurons in the brain – I was overwhelmed by the hugeness, it seemed to reach into infinity.
And then within this visual maze of wires and threads I heard millions of voices, they became louder and louder. I could zoom in to them, and pic up one voice, to hear the detail of that specific voice, the other voices still buzzing in the background, and as I did zoom in to a single voice, I could hear the very detail of that voice, the tonality, the individuality so to speak, and I was amazed at the fact, that I never heard those voices before, all of them were competely unfamiliar.
The Intensity and the Vividness of the Experience was increasing more and more, to a Point were it was unbearable and excruciating, I curled up and closed my eyes. And then I had a Moment of Realisation: I said to myself: ‚This is just Energy, DO not participate in it, it will cease to exist if I stop the praticipation within and as it – BREATHE!! BREATHE!!
And the Dream was over.
This Dream was still very present when I woke up, I could remember each detail, all of it felt sooo real. And the Question remained – what is Reality and what is Illusion?
I had this fascinating realisation, all that I had experienced within that Dream was only my Mind. I was in fact sleeping, everything was existing only in my Head. The Mind is able to copy the Physical Reality in super detail. The voices I heard were very specific and exact copies. I mean, how difficult can it be for the Mind to copy the Physical Reality if the Human perception of Physical Reality is already controlled through a very specific range of frequencies, and literally everything we see, hear or feel IS already an Interpretation of and as the Mind. The Mind accumulates all of it as ‚Knowledge‘ and ‚Information‘ – of which we are not even aware. The Mind is a perfect Mirror. And there I realised that Consciousness is the Reflection of Awareness, Consciousness is the Self-Awareness of the Mind-Consciousness-System. And I am not even Consciousness, because I am not awareof the Totality of myself as a Mind-Consciousness-System, I am only conscious of a littly tiny part of it, which is the Conscious Mind. I do NOT know how I am able to produce a Dream, how I have created it in detail. I do NOT know how I create thoughts, back-chats, images, emotions, feelings, that just pop up within my conscious Mind, and then I start participating in it and believing this is ‚Who i Am‘.
Imagine I would have dreamt this Dream, without walking the Desteni-I-Process, I would be completely lost in the Illusion, I would 100% believe it’s Real, that this voices were Real, because they sounded and felt so real, I would probably believe that Bernard is speaking to me for real, and that I am really special. I would seek and try to re-produce that Experience and maybe I would succeed and have that Dream more often, and believe that I am ‚evolving‘, without realising how I am in fact programming my Living Flesh to have a specific Experience and that it exist only within and asmyself without any contextual cross-reference to the REAL Physical World. And even if I had the chance to hear from Bernard himself, that this is NOT him, it’s just an self-created Illusion, I wouldn’t believe him, because I would ‚knew‘ it better.
And this was really like FUCK!! all I ‚know‘ is NOT real, because all I ever experienced, felt, thought – was like a Dream – an Interpretation within and as my Mind. I was never HERE, I never LIVED HERE.
And then I saw how cool indeed the Physical Reality is, because it is stable, it is HERE, there is NO Interpretation – for ALL of us it is always the same, it is the perfect cross-reference point. When I see a tree and you see a tree, we know it is real. When I see a tree and you don’t see a tree, we know it is an Illusion. And even if one walk the Process and expand on the ‚perceptual‘ skills, and become aware of things that others are not aware of, there must be a cross-reference with those who walk with you. And this is why sharing Process is so important, so that we can learn from and with each other. The more people participate the more stability we create.