I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to blame myself for not being a …
The next thing that I faced on the farm was my ‚I hate cleaning‘-Character, which I had walked still being on the Farm. Unfortunetely only those who speak german will have the chance to read those blogs:
Nevertheless I will expand on the Realisation I had within facing the Point. Throughout my Life I considered myself as ‚lazy‘ and therefore ‚messy‘. And there I was on a Farm where working schedules are specificly organized. From Monday to Friday from 8 am – 9.30 am we’ve worked in the gardens, or on the farm grounds, basically ‚outside‘. And From 9.30 am – 10 am we’ve worked in the house or ‚around‘ the house, we did all the house-associated work so to speak, like wiping the floor, cleaning windows etc. Those 30 min of ‚homework‘ was done each day, but on the weekends I could decide for myself when I will do the homework, which I could obviously also do with all the work done during the workingweek from Mon-Fri, but working in self-honesty with a self-honest group doesn’t allow one to come up with excuses LOL, and working together is much more fun.
AND wtf: ‚I‘ as who I believed to be – ‚lazy‘ and ‚messy‘ and avoiding cleaning in all possible ways, excuses and justifications – actually enjoyed the work and the ‚clean‘ results. I turned out to be something like the ‚window-cleaning-queen‘!!!
While walking that Character of ‚I hate cleaning‘ I have realised how much Limitation as oneself one in fact accept and allow, and that all Characters are in fact ‚Self-Judgments‘ as ‚I am this‘ or ‚I am that‘ – what is completely bullshitting oneself to exist within and as a very limited automated Mind-Bubble.
I had a real aha-experience, about ‚Judgment‚ itself. So, I was seeing ‚judging‘ as ‚bad‘, like a sin one should not do, but I did not see how acceptind and allowing oneself to exist as ‚Judgment‘ creates a Lock-in System that limit Self to see and be ‚conscious‘ of only oneself as this automated Mind-Bubble, which is in fact a self-created imprisonment – although I’ve heard it sooo many times that the Mind is a container and whatever one believe to ‚know‘ is but one’s self-created illusion.
Let’s take myself as an example – and the ‚Judgment‘ of ‚Laziness and Messiness‘. I have a friend whom I had extensively judged as ‚lazy‘ and ‚messy‘. And I had this realisation – FUCK! When I am judging another person of being lazy and messy, I am projecting myself into that person – I am in fact judging myself and one consequence of accepting and allowing myself to exist within and as this ‚Judgment‘ is: that I do NOT see what’s really going on ‚outside’/in reality, I only see my own projection, I only face my own ‚Judgment‘. I do NOT see the person, who he/she really is, how he/she really is, I am just projecting my own ‚Judgment‚ onto him/her. So, when I see, someone is not taking care of their house/appartment – and this is fascinating – I am NOT really concerned about that person, I do NOT really care about the person, how he/she lives, if he/she supports him/herself – I am seeing just myself and I am judging just myself. And this was the ‚Imprisonment‘ that I did not see – how I am locking in myself within and as a System and disabling myself to directly see what’s really Here. And that I can stop it – completely – in the within and the without – by stopping myself as this ‚Judgment‘ as that ‚Character‚. It doesn’t mean, that if I visit my friend I will not see anymore the ‚way-of-living‘ he/she had chosen, or accepted and allowed for him/herself, but I am NOT judging it anymore, because I am NOT projecting myself into him/her – and so I am able to in fact support him/her if I see, that this person is a ‚Character‚, in terms of share my walk, my process and myself as the Realisation of the ‚I hate cleaning‘-Character, how I for myself had realised that it was in fact NOT me, and how we are creating ourselves and our reality by simply accepting and allowing the Mind to determine and to contol ‚who we are‘ – and that we are able to stand up from within and to self-direct us, and take the Power back, and change ourselves to what’s really supporting and assinsting us in every possible way.
For further perspective, you can read the Self-Forgiveness and Self-Commitment Statements I did on ‚Judgment‘ of ‚doing Nothing’/’being lazy‘:
Day 96 – Every Day is Judgment Day
Day 97 – Every Day is Judgment Day – Part 2