Day 115 – Life in the ‚Farmafter‘

5. November 2012

by Matti Destonian Freeman

Since I am back in Germany ‚everything seems to work against me‘. On the day of my arrival I was involved in an car accident – a rear-end collision – a distracted person hit me from behind. It was my ex-partners car, he moved to a different country with no option to take the car with him, and a sale wouldn’t be profitable. So, he just left the car with me, with the agreement that he could use the car whenever he would visit Germany. Now, the car is a total loss, to fix the car would be like 13.000 €, which means there is no point to fix it. Normally people take the insurence money and buy a new car. For me it means I am left with no car and no replacement, bc obviously my ex-parter will take the money from the insurence. In some way I offered him a huge gift.

On top of that I broke my toe the next day.

I now clearly see, how I was even before the ‚trouble‘ accepting anf allowing within and as me the back-chat that led onto what happened. Not literally, not that I have attracted the car accident – maybe yes – but I simply accepted and allowed myself to exist as CONsciousness within and as those emotions, feelings, fears, back-chats etc. without taking responsibility for it, and actually writing myself to freedom, and stopping the praticipation in all of it.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear coming home, in terms of that I’ve created an idea and belief, that what I will find back at home, will be in some way ‚foreign‘, ‚different‘, ‚unfamiliar‘, ‚daunting‘ and even ’scary‘.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create an idea and belief that the Farm visit changed me magically, and that I will be a NEW person, once back in Germany.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that I will not be able to get to ’normal‘ once I have visited the Desteni Farm, where for the first time I have experience a Life that I was completely comfortable with, were I felt ’secure‘ and ‚protected‘ and so I feared of being ‚unsecured‘ and ‚unprotected‘.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that the Farm visit was for nothing and that my Life will continue like it was before the visit.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear going back to work, in terms of that I have missed some important ‚development‘ and will not be able to catch up with my colleagues.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that Life in the ‚Farmafter‘ would be boring and not worth living.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that my Process is and will be totally slowly and uneffective back in the World-Matrix.

I see, realise and understand, how within the acceptance and allowance of fear of coming home/back to Germany, I have created a belief and an idea of a Life BF (Before Farm) and AF (After Farm), which created a total Separation within and as me, and so the ‚trouble‘ and the Points I was facing was in fact me fighting against myself.

I commit myself to sort out all ideas, beliefs and fears of a Life ‚AF‘, because that would mean, that I am still dependent on an outer source/power and not stable within and as myself – and using and abusing an idea and belief of a Life ‚AF‘ as an exuse and justification, why not to be stable, not to stand, not to breathe, give up and give in to the Mind.

I commit myself to utilize the opportunity of being able to – for the first time – care about myself, as the point of being comfortable within and as myself as my world and reality, and to so re-create and re-establish a ‚home‚ that is worthy to live in.

I commit myself to make the Change practical, in terms of to actually DO things and apply myself in each Breath, to re-align myself to the Physical and to stop all Ideas, Beliefs, Back-Chats, and to in fact start practical Living, bc when I want a stable and worth living home, I realise that I have to CREATE it for myself and as myself.

I commit myself to gift to myself the ’security‘ as a standing and remaining stable, and re-creating and re-establishing a stable environment, stable finances, stable relationships, stable participation, stable daily life application, so that I am able to trust myself in each Breath. I see, realise and understand that the best security I am able to gift to myself is Stability within and as myself, and within that the realisation that the best security that I am able to gift to all as myself is commiting myself to walk a process of change and working on establishing an Equal Money System, that will create Heaven on Earth – a New World that is best for ALL.

I see, realise and understand that Fear is not assisting nor supporting, but only creating conflict and separation, so that I percieved the ‚World-Matrix‘ to be an Enemy, something that is opposing me, without allowing myself to realise that as FEAR I am the Matrix itself, and so I am in fact fighting against myself, instead of really standing from within and as – and changing from within and as.



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